Today someone said to me that the light in my eyes has returned. It struck me (in a good way) to hear that. I know the moment that it came back. It was the moment I decided to stop dating.
For three years I’ve bounced from date to date from guy to guy, crashing and burning over and over and over again, convinced in the end that I was incapable of sustaining a romantic relationship, that I was somehow less than, unworthy. The more I dated the more I lost myself.
About a month ago I called it quits, not from exasperation, but from a deep desire to explore my own heart, discover what I love and feed my passions with as much attention as they deserve. For the first time in three years all the pressure is gone and I’m rediscovering the girl I once was, a girl unafraid to sing her spirit, that dances in the car like no one is watching.
I never thought I’d say that the best decision I ever made for myself was to stop dating, after all, we all want to find true love and everyone says the only way to find it is to put yourself out there. But if there’s one lesson I can take away from this last month of soul searching it’s that there’s no hurry.
Take care of yourselves my loves!
I’ve loved and been broken, dated again and been disappointed, and started the process all over again. Putting your heart on the line is exasperating, terrifying, and exciting and sometimes we feed off that exhilaration and put ourselves out there and other times we can think of nothing worse than going on a date. I wish I could say that taking the chance on love is always worth it. I’ve had several experiences where the heartache outweighed the benefit of telling someone that you like them. I just hold on to the hope that one of these days I’ll find that person that is as stoked to take the chance on me as I am for them. In the meantime, I write.
Who knows what makes two people compatible. What is it about someone that ignites the spark and electrifies our desires? It’s breathtaking when that happens, but equally as profound is the absence of that spark, when just getting through dinner feels like crawling on hands and knees through the mud.
Have a wonderful Saturday my friends!
Confidence is a weird thing–how it can come and go–how it presents itself at the strangest times–how it fails at crucial moments–and how it’s a bit abstract. I feel the most confident when I’m in front of a notebook with headphones in, rocking out to my favorite music. I’m not trying to hide behind the headphones, but rather enjoying the bliss of my favorite songs in my ears. If you’ve visited She’s in Prison before, you know that music permeates almost all of my poetry, especially that of Twenty One Pilots. I’ve been feeling a little disconnected to them lately since I retired the Josh Dun Poetry Corner and I also haven’t been to a show since October. Regardless, today’s poem is inspired and named after their song “Clear.” Take a look at all my TOP titled archives and give a listen to their version of “Clear” below.
Happy Saturday! Hit me up on Twitter folks 🙂