Posted in art, honesty, poetry, writing

Black Hole

Black Hole  What do you write about  when you’re listening to songs about love the week before Valentine’s day, holding on to how breathtaking the sunset was yesterday as the melancholy of another year is settling into the cracks of your skin?  You can’t, because you can’t describe the way it feels, that numbness in your chest, that buzzing of nothingness that hums like florescent lights, tinting the surroundings a little sickly, a green and yellow hue that accentuates the purple veins in your skin, the only proof there’s blood still flowing, that you’re not invisible.  You listen to the acoustic melodies  of someone else’s beating heart and pretend it doesn’t bother you that no one’s ever told you they love you.

I couldn’t sleep last night. My brain raced and raced and finally at 6 am I decided to just get up and shower. Isn’t it strange how sometimes the things we want the most we just can’t have. I just wanted to sleep in on a Saturday, but some force out there in the universe had a different plan.

–Leanne Rebecca


Poetry and music.

12 thoughts on “Black Hole

  1. i love your imagery in the above poem – it evoked a real sense of melancholy in me. i don’t celebrate St Valentine’s Day – neither does my lover – i haven’t since i was a teenager.
    but your poem made me feel a sense of longing and loss… and made me think how lucky i am to have the love of the man i adore, and just how fucked up i’d be if i were to lose that… thought-provoking stuff. love it.

  2. First, I have to say, “To Hell with Valentine’s Day!”

    Okay, with that said, I really enjoyed your poem. Grand imagery feeding a deep expression. I hate holidays of all kinds, other than the meaningless government holidays. The supposedly meaningful holidays do nothing but bring out the pain and sorrow within us. It is why many people drink so much and commit suicide during the Christmas season. Why so many people feel so lonely when Valentine’s Day comes around. Just more things for a Capitalist society to exploit, without any regard to the victims who are not included within the supposed joy these holidays are supposed to bring.

    It’s too bad that people don’t take Memorial Day as serious as Valentine’s Day. If so, we would spend the day grieving and contemplating those we love who have passed on from this life, rather than on the lake water skiing or camping, or whatever other than doing what the holiday represents.

    Okay, I took your poem and made it into my own rant. I am angry the last line, because I relate to it so much. Great art should not simply present flowery words or images of escape. They should arouse our emotions and cause us to feel and think. You have done this in another of your wonderful poems.

    1. I’m honored that my poem dug out so much emotion! I completely agree with what you said about the way people view holidays. It’s completely misguided. When I was in college I never went home for thanksgiving and spent 3 years in a row eating canned soup by myself in my apartment. I never knew what to say when everyone got back to school and asked me if I had a good holiday because I hadn’t had a holiday. The sad thing is that most people are consumed with their own lives and don’t consider what others are going through.

      1. What you say is so true. It has been years since I have actually celebrated Thanksgiving or Christmas with others. I used to feel so ashamed of it that I would come back to work, or school, and make up stories as to how wonderful my holiday was (the blessing of being a writer). I did so mostly because I hated seeing their eyes of pity and then the post holiday pity invites. “If only I would have known I would have invited you to our Thanksgiving dinner.” Just what I want. To eat Thanksgiving dinner with a bunch of strangers.

        Later, as I become more secure in myself, I would simply tell them what I did for the holiday. Something like, “I baked a frozen pizza and ate while watching “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.” I would say it with such pride that, instead of looks of pity I would received the beautiful look of confusion on their faces, as if they envied the fact that I was strong enough to defy the societal expectations placed upon us.

  3. I understand the feeling. I stay away from TV, and music. Actually, I do the same with most holidays. Right now, the commercials are inundated with jewelry commercials and Internet dating sites. It is nauseating.

  4. Really liked the buzzing nothingness and fluoro light references, that captures those feelings so accurately. The melancholy mood flows through this perfectly.
    I will tell you that I love you and care about you, but I don’t know if it will reach you the way you want to be reached.
    The hollowness is the same when you feel you have no one special, as when you have someone special but the love is not there anymore. So there are many people who share your feelings.
    Take care of yourself.

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